Six months ago, as some of you might remember, DH and I were on the verge of splitting up. We’d had SO many fights over SO many things, we were both ready to toss in the towel. But we held on. Not merely held on, but we worked really hard to figure out where all the angst and anger and fear was coming from for both of us, and how to look those monsters right in the face and say “NO! We won’t let you run our lives anymore!” A lot of ghosts from mistakes our parents made, from events in the past, and/or from mistakes we made. What was the line from Ironman 3? We make our own demons? I truly believe that’s the case. But we waded through the worst of it and kept going. Now when a piece of farm equipment breaks down or we have some unexpected health bill (my dislocated collarbone has been a big problem the last few months), we can put that in context and think “yea, but we’re still together. And that’s something.”
I’ve already gone through one divorce, and yes there are times when both people would be much better off on their own. That was definitely the situation with my first marriage. But this time, we both knew we’d be positively miserable apart, so a breakup wouldn’t be in anyone’s best interests. Yet we had so many issues to work out, and we STILL have so many issues to work out. But we’re plugging away with it. We also have issues of our own to deal with, and sometimes those monsters seem too big to slay as well. It’s odd when the financial monsters seem tame by comparison, after having been so focused on the financial monsters for so long. But slay the big dragons and suddenly the little dragons don’t seem so bad. They just sort of hiss and spit out sparks, instead of laying waste to entire cities like Godzilla. So we’re in the “hissing and spitting out sparks” phase of things. We’re not quite to the “laughing at Murphy” yet, but we’ve moved well away from “the next straw is the LAST straw.” Not yet a comfortable place to be, but much improved over where we were.
What’s the line from the country song? “If you find yourself going through hell, keep on going!” Because there is a much easier, nice green pasture on the other side. Just keep plugging away and you’ll get there. In our case, we’ve made the decision to get there together. We’ll deal with whatever hissing-and-spitting mini-dragons we encounter along the way. And for that, I’m very very grateful.